I have been in such a funk recently, to put it in its simplest terms.
I returned home from Sacramento last Monday evening. It was not until the following Tuesday that I had a full conversation with another individual who was not my mom, dad, grandma, or boyfriend (and he’s 1,000 miles away). The idea that I had become that antisocial was unsettling, and I began to realize my reclusion certainly had quite an impact on this off-feeling I’ve been experiencing.
My weird moody phases are like a rollercoaster. I may be super motivated, enthusiastic, and happy for a few days, and it feels like I can accomplish anything! And then for some reason or another, or even for no reason whatsoever, I crawl back into my cave and hide away for the next several days. All these negative emotions rise to the surface and I continually feel stressed, anxious, afraid, and less than ordinary. It takes an immense amount of energy to pull myself out of it, and so the cycle begins again.
Where’s the balance, Lex? It is the most beautiful time of the year and I intend on moving out of my beloved Colorado in the very near future. What in the world am I doing keeping myself cooped up? Maybe if I went out and did something, whether on my own or with someone else, I wouldn’t be in this funk.
So I did.
Dinner with an old friend was scheduled for 6:30pm in downtown Boulder. Rather than sitting on the couch until the absolute last minute, I decided to head downtown a few hours early and simply enjoy the city’s scenery I love so much.
I journeyed to Mapleton Hills. I thought back to when I had to park my car in the area and walk about 5 blocks to the restaurant where I used to work, and how much I loved simply strolling around that particularly beautiful neighborhood.
My earphones in and music playing (okay, maybe I switched it up now and then with my audiobook), I began walking. I strolled around for an hour, smiling inwardly all the while.
It felt like a weight was lifting off my shoulders with each step and I wondered, “How have I let myself stay indoors for so long?” I did not spend the time dwelling in deep thought or trying to analyze my emotions… I just walked. It was a beautiful crisp autumn afternoon and I had nowhere to be anytime soon, nothing to get done, no one to talk to. Rather than feeling swallowed up with loneliness, I embraced my alone time–it became my companion of some sort.
I soaked in the beauty of the neighborhood with its changing leaves and Foothills backdrop.
I was totally that person taking weird selfies of herself. Exhibit A:
I can’t even bring myself to post the “super awkward smiling selfie.” I don’t feel like we know each other well enough for that. Maybe in the future, right after I no longer hold in my burps around you.
Though I did try to be artistic…
… But we’ll keep working on that.
So, note to self: ENJOY THE BEAUTY OF COLORADO WHILE YOU STILL CAN. It really isn’t that hard and, guess what, it makes you feel a million times better.
The little doubtful voice inside my head is whispering how stupid and pointless this post is. I’m pressing that ‘publish’ button anyway.